Feeling anxious today

More after the cut…

Today I’m feeling anxious about surgery.

Granted we’re probably 18 months or MORE away from our next surgery, but it’s on my mind. Tomorrow we go see Dr. Heller and I’m going to be grilling her about how this next one is going to work. I know they want to wait until she’s 35 lbs. But what if she’s in kindergarten before she’s 35 lbs? Would we do this during the school year? What if it’s the summer between kindergarten and first grade? I can’t imagine sending her to camp 5 weeks post surgery!!

I just need to let it go. I can’t let this consume me. But as she grows and gets bigger, I feel that the clock is starting to tick louder and louder and suddenly I can hear it.

It’s been 2 years since Olivia’s last surgery. Do we really have 2 years until the next one? Or are we facing one sooner than later?

I’m scared today. Hopefully tomorrow will calm those fears. I just need to be reminded that she’s doing amazingly well. She IS. She’s an amazing little girl who has a heck of a lot of fight in her. She’ll be fine.

I just need to keep telling myself that.

One thought on “Feeling anxious today

  1. Oh man, can I relate to this! Ugh. We were told that Sammy’s Fontan would be between 2 & 3 years old. The flip into 2007 has sent me into a bit of an anxiety-filled tizzy. I mean, he’s not even 1 yet, but it’s highly likely that his Fontan will be in 2008… and 2006 seemed a nice safe distance from then. 2007? Feels like 2008 is right around the corner, and well, I’m not in a good state of mind at all.

    I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better… but if I did, well, I’d probably be feeling better myself! Heh.

    *hug*

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